The movie on Arushi will be better!

The below review is a real life incident and the characters are non fictional and the reviewer is me and the receiver is my dad

Dear Dad,

Hope all is well. I was troubled to hear from mom that you are planning to watch No One Killed Jessica.  I do understand that you have spent atleast 300 hours of your precious time watching the Arnabs, Barkhas and the Rajdeeps crying hoarse for justice in the last decade and you feel that you deserve to watch your favourite actors Rani and Vidya bring that to life. I also know you have been waiting for a meaningful movie for a long time that matches your all time favourite Om-Naseer starrers! 

I too was thinking this movie would have a beige middle class setting, an aging dad, a hope-filled mom, a fighting sister and a helping journalist all get together and get the bad guys. Add to that a hot off the press story, two decent actors and I am curdling amazing images of a tight, angst ridden, emotion packed court-room scene with awe inspiring dialogues and scenes of Delhi I have never seen. Or as mom would say, no one can screw up making daal?

But life is full of surprises. After all that you followed on TV, you surely could have written a better story of the incident. 

Rani Mukherji screamed and abused so much that now I know how she would have sounded if she could speak in Black. She smokes, abuses and sleeps around with men who are so ugly they don’t even show their faces. Not for the faint hearted, and definitely not for you. Even you, who could not see through the Amitabh-Rekha affair, will see through this over the top attempt at losing her goody-two-shoes image. Instead of being the Sunny Deol in Damini, she ends up sounding like Esha Deol on drugs!

You are supposed to feel Vidya’s pain, emotions and her loss like Anupam Kher in ‘Saraansh’, the Rakhee in ‘Shakti’ or even Jaya in ‘Sholay’. But we end up feeling her weight and her flu, as sometimes she walks around like she has high fever and is on antibiotics. By the way, that reminds me, we should stop mom from suggesting her name for Subbramani’s matrimonial.  

I could relate to Jessica though. Despite the parents and the sibling being pretty bad looking, she too like me turned out to be a looker 

The guy who plays Manu Sharma and Neil Bhoopalam(who plays Shayan Munshi) are very good. But then, they are friends of a friend of mine, so can call them home to perform those scenes for you in private, while mom can make them Dosas. Satyadeep Mishra, a friend and a senior from college, got to do what I always wanted to, abuse Rani a lot.

The director is the same guy who directed “Aamir”, the movie that was like a Mumbai tourism campaign for Jehadi Bombers. His attempt at glossing up realism is very similar to your fudging bank accounts when you were at the SBI. I blame him completely for this mess, because he narrated the story as is without good punches that would have made you and I jump with joy, like when Bhuvan scores that six of the last ball in Lagaan. There were also some editing and continuity errors even you would have pointed out loudly in the movie hall.

I was hoping for a Saaransh, an Ardh Satya, an Aakrosh, movies that you didn’t take me to when I was a kid, because you thought it was serious and didn’t suit me. Today its my turn, I would suggest you dont watch this movie and continue watching TV and hope that the movie on the Arushi murder case is better!

Love to mom